Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Husband... The Pear Thief.

Every December my mouth starts to water for pears. Yes. Pears. The fruit you know?

Now these pears are the most wonderful things that you will ever eat. I am not kidding. They will melt in your mouth. I could go in to great detail as to what these pears will do to you and you life, but my family reads this too... We can just say that they will make your "hiney tingle".

They are from Harry and David. A place where they supply the Gods of the world with their fruit. No lie. And they don't even know that I am writing this- sorry Harry and David but the fruit is divine.

Every single year, the week of Christmas my dad and I go shopping for my mom for Christmas, and every year we go to The Avenue (an outdoor shopping mall) and get a few boxes of these pears.It is our tradition, PLUS they are on sale that week... and I am sorry Harry and David, but $29.99 for 8 pears is a little insane. I might pay it, but still I would rather wait until they are $14.99.

Well this morning JM and I had one pear left. We were going to split it last night, but just wanted to go to bed.... cut to this morning.
I took an apple when I left the house. Now I was going to take the pear, but I knew that he would be upset (yes I will cry over a pear) so I decided that I would leave it and we could share it tonight...

Then I got the email.... HE TOOK THE PEAR. AND HE ATE IT. WITH OUT ME. WTF?!?!?

Here are the emails....

JM- "money talks baby...and I listen to it when it comes to this!(we are discussing why I should have wood grain in a new car- I think that I am fightin a losing battle there)
btw, I took the last pear...it was gonna go bad if I didn't eat it today!" (here is where I lose it...)

OH. MY. GOSH... now that my dear just broke my heart... the last pear??? I mean you could have eaten it tonight with me... it could have waited until tonight... that is not fair... pears talk to me... they are screaming for me to eat them... You are sucking that goodness away from me!!!!!!!! Oh WHY WORLD??? Why is this happening to me???? my husband will not let me have pears or wood grain... what is wrong with the world....

JM: you're funny!
the pear was screaming to me to take it this morning...there was a ray of sunshine gleaming down on it and that is all I saw when I came into the kitchen!
It would've totally been bad if we left it for tonight!
I HAD to eat it!

ME:That is it... I am blogging about this today... Title?

JM:it was calling my name honey!!!

ME:OH and all of this email will be cut and pasted it in there as well... I do not care if it was crying to you.... that was the last one... for the season... I even thought about taking it... BUT NO i took a crummy apple instead because I thought that we could share the pear....
The only 2 ways to make it up to me you ask??? (BTW he didn't ask I told him)
Oh they are giving me a baby... or a new car... take your pick. You stole the pear and now you must suffer the consequences...

JM: how about a cabbage patch doll and a barbie corvette?!
would that suffice?!

ME: Well since I cannot drive a Barbie Corvette on the streets nor can I breastfeed a cabbage patch doll.... no they will not work. I need life size and gas eating car... and milk drinking, air breathing baby... one that really cries and that you cannot just toss into a toy bin.

JM:well, I don't think I can grant that wish until next winter! sorry...
if its any consolation, the pear was pretty damn good! :o)

I love you...what do I want for lunch???


WHAT AN ASS. He STOLE the pear. AND I lost the battle... I didn't even have a chance. Mark my words JM darling... this will not be the last of the Battle of the Pears!

and now... I my soul has been sucked away with the last pear... over dramatic you say? Well have just ONE of these pears and they will change your life. You will hoard them for yourself- even though it is the season of giving... and when the last one is gone? and you didnt get to have even a bite of the last one? You will be stark raving mad. Just as I am this minute...

And that email? It really happened, I could not even make that up... Oh and I really do want a baby and a new car- I mean is that so much to ask for? HA! Hell yes it is and I know it...
We will start with the car first... I mean we do have a honeymoon to still go on.

Well for the rest of the day I will be cursing my husband about the damn pears... or not.

~Mrs. McCracken

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