Wednesday, May 25, 2011

1 Year Later...

Today is my Blog Anniversary. I cannot believe that I have been sharing my thoughts online for a year. That is just crazy... to be honest I am surprised that I didn't give up!

Some of the posts have been happy and funny, some have been sad or even mad... most of them have been random as hell! And I like that because I am all of the above.

This past year has been one big whirlwind, and I have had a wonderful time. There have been some SERIOUS life-changing events that have happened to me and my wonderful now husband JM.
So today I just wanted to do a recap for myself of this past year... and just now while typing this I decided to "save draft" and go back and read some of my posts...
Damn it was one hell of a year!

Planning a wedding... Attending 12 other weddings... and re-decorating a house. To being married, getting a joint checking account, writing a BILLION "Thank you" notes... Going on trips, JM stealing my Harry and David Pears at Christmas...
So much has happened in a year it is unbelievable... even as I sit here and write this I still cannot believe that love and life has taken me to where I am today.

So lets do some picture from the past shall we?

Engagement pictures by Mrs. Southern Belle

Don't know if I have shown you my rings before now... but DAMN did JM do a great job!

and then we got married! Best day of our lives. Ever. I love you JM!

Baby Girl... JM is her "human"... she loves him WAY more than me.

Tilly... She loves me way more. However I think that she "knows" there is a baby in my stomach because she still tries to sleep on my stomach all the time! Only started once there was a baby in there!

There have been TOO many home updates to post ALL of the pictures... PLUS we have started on a new room... The Nursery!

And how can I forget about this little one... Our BABY! Well now that might be the MOST life-changing thing that has happened yet. Getting married is very life changing I assure you...
BUT once I found out we were going to have a baby. I also realized that it has to come out sometime in the next 9 (really 10) months! It will not just stay in me forever! I also realized that we are responsible for another humans life for the next 18 years. As in raise them to have manners, to teach them, feed and cloth them, and to make sure that they do not become serial killers. I still think that I want our parents to write a book and give it to us!
There are so many fears that go along with being pregnant... I have yet to realize that those fears will only double when they are really here! We are going to get home with our baby and I will say "now what do we do?"
JM's response might be "Well let's call one of our moms."
Guess I need to get a book on what comes after Labor and Delivery!

There is so much more to come on this little space of mine... There will be more fears and tears over the next few months. There will be many laughs and (hopefully) more pictures to come. After that there will be so many questions I will have... and I am sure that I will questions myself on more than one occasion about blogging. But then again I foresee myself having a lot more time for picture taking and blogging in the future.
Couponing too... this is something that I want to get good at... but NOT to the point where I have to buy 150 bottle of ketchup to get a deal! have you seen that show? They are PSYCHO, and I am positive that my dear JM would leave me if I brought home that much crap and had a grocery store in my house!

Well MY birthday is around the corner and I cannot wait... that is also our big Ultrasound Day!
I know that I have said in the past that we are not finding out what the sex will be... Well all of this yellow and green is killing me so it might just be a "game day" decision that we make...

Now this has been one big random post... but I really wanted to thank all of you who read my pretty little blog. It meas the world to me to know that you might be going through the same thing- or already have been. I have made some great friends from blogging... and even joined Twitter to keep up with them!
I hope that this will always be my own little escape... Happy Anniversary to "My Crack in the Grigsby Life".

Have a Happy Wednesday!

and PS. I legally changed my name today... so now I am truly Mrs. McCracken...


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Random thoughts... and nightmares.

So 16 weeks pregnant and counting over here. I kinda feel like a slacker for not posting "bump pictures" and filling out a cute little survey about what this past week was like.
So to sum it up... I feel good some days, but mornings are still a little rough. I wish that I felt great all the time and that I could say that my hair is shimmering and I have tht healthy glow! Today I was lucky to get in the shower because all I wanted to do was sleep... sleeping is my favorite thing right now.

I am also still having one of the same nightmares. Over and OVER! It is kinda making me paranoid... so here it is and tell me what you think.

Setting: Northside Hospital Labor and Delivery
Cast of Characters: Me (duh!) JM, and Dr's and nurses. (Sorry no one is allowed in that room! and I dont care how selfish that might be. My vagina. Our baby. The end.)

So this is what keeps happening... I have been pushing for like 30 some odd hours and the epidural just wore off. The nurse says that I cannot have another one and that I will have to have a emergency C-Section and that they are going to be putting me completely under for the precedure... I, of course, freak out but tell them just get baby out and keep up both alive.
I go under...
Then wake up in recovery with EVERYONE I HAVE EVER MET in the room. AND they have ALL HELD OUR BABY! I start crying and tell someone to get everyone out of there and to give me my baby... Everyone starts laughing at me and they keep playing pass the baby.

Now I want to be the first (or even the second if JM wants to first) hold the baby. There will be zero exceptions to that one. I don't want people in recovery if I have to have a c-section.

I wake up in a panic every.single.time I have this dream. Then I have to go pee.

What in the hell is wrong with me? Have I lost it completely? Maybe I have lost it...

BUT this is having me think seriously hard about a whole "Birth Plan" about the day of delivery when it comes...
I do know that I want some time with just me and JM and baby. Alone. Our family. Time for me to nurse, time for skin to skin bonding (that I keep reading about).

But I don't know how "selfish" that could be? I mean I know that it is a little selfish, and I know that this is the first Grandbaby on both sides... and that I do want family there first thing just not during the actual labor part or the after part of clean up and mess! But hell, I carried this baby for 9 (really 10) months, and he/she has made me sick as all get out... it should be MY (really our) plan right?

So ladies (and gentlemen) what would you do? Tell me your stories? Or send me links to your own birth stories...
There is only one goal in my mind about having this little on in the first place. To have a healthy baby. 10 fingers and 10 toes... Everything else will be second.
I know that I have a good 24 weeks left to think about all of this... but the nightmare is really getting to me now.

I will have to tell you about another dream I have been having lately... Pretty much I have this beautiful baby that happens to have my cat Tilly's head. AND I think that it is perfectly normal to breast feed my beautiful cat-baby in public no less. Maybe this is because I wake up to Tilly sleeping on me all the time? Who knows... it is kinda strange.
This might also be the reason I have a ton of dreams about me having a liter of kittens!

Seriously... these pregnancy dreams have me going crazy! Tell me you all had crazy dreams pregnant or not? If so share them with me! I need to feel a little bit normal.

Monday, May 9, 2011

15 weeks! YAY!

First I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful Moms out there! Especially my mom, my grandmother, and my mother-in-law. All of you are so special to me I don't know what I would do without you!

Second... I don't want to jinx it, BUT... I have been feeling SO MUCH BETTER lately. I actually feel like a human again.
And for the record I have read too many old wive's tales about being so sick... It doesn't mean that you will have a girl at all. It just means... You are pregnant and that you must deal with it. You must puke and lay back down. Crackers just don't work, and they taste like crap.

I am sure that JM is very glad that I am back to myself... I think that he missed me. Maybe.

So this week we are 15 weeks pregnant! YAY! See I am very excited about this as 1. I am not sick... and 2 I am getting closer to the half way point! I just cannot wait to feel some movement!
I had a Dr appointment this morning and everything went perfect... minus the fact my blood pressure was a little higher. Nothing scary or to worry about. However I was told to stop stressing. As in no stress. Period.

and it has me thinking...
Just how do you do that when you have a job? When you drive 30 miles to work and 30 miles home? When the price of gas is CRAZY expensive? When you have so much on your plate some days you feel like you might drown? I am a worrier by nature. I get so anxious some times I must remind myself to CALM. DOWN.

Well... Frankly, I don't give a damn anymore.
About anything.

I have realized over these short weeks of being pregnant that nothing matters to me anymore but our baby's and my health. OF course JM's health as well! And that family is above everything else now to me.
(This is just crazy to me... I mean I used to think that the latest sale at Nordstrom was the end all be all of things! What has happened to me?! Who have I become!)

I mean is that what happens when you start a family? Does everyone go through a time of complete selfishness... UNTIL they are married and having a baby? Well I did and I can say that I just now realized it.

And to me that is just life right now... I never thought that my life would lead me to the path that I am on. However I can honestly say that I have never been more happy in my life than right now. I have the most wonderful, loving, and supportive husband- who is too hot for words as well! and to also have such a wonderful support system in all of our families and friends.
I never realized just how blessed I would be!

See now this was a happy post...
Happy Monday!


Monday, May 2, 2011

Pregnancy... So far. Help me!

I wish that this was going to be a happy-go-lucky blog post about how much I love being pregnant.
This is more like a post about how I am jealous of everyone out there who has had easy pregnancies... or who have "never been so happy in their lives."

That is just not the case for me right now... and explains the serious lack of posting here!

Let's get one thing clear first- and I mean crystal clear. I love this baby more that I ever thought was humanly possible- and I cannot even imagine when I get to meet him/her in person. We wanted to start a family early... I am so excited, feel so lucky and blessed to be able to be pregnant.


I have been so sick for the past 2 almost 3 months it is not even funny anymore. I laughed in the beginning of getting sick... Seriously I would be laughing because I know it is "all so worth it in the end". Well I am not laughing anymore- even though I know it is "all so worth it in the end".

I get sick an average of 5-6 times a day. Some days less... some more. Some days I cannot get out of bed. I can barely work a full day.

I have missed 9 days in the last pay period. And I have run out of all sick, vacation, and comp. days... So these are all unpaid days. (OK 5 of those were unpaid vacation to St. Lucia! but still the others were not)

I want to quit my job. I love everyone here and I like what I do (most days), but driving 30miles to work and 30 miles home while I am so weak and tired has me honestly concerned for my health.

It is not realistic for me to leave my job right now. It is nice to have the extra money right now.. so leaving is just not an option. Yet.

I have been eating whatever I think will stay down lately... BLT's worked for a while. Random right? Well they don't work anymore... So I am looking for a new thing to eat. Thoughts?

Last week I posted on "Facebook" asking people any suggestions as to what helps with "morning sickness"... the responses were overwhelming! and I was so thankful for them all... except that most said "Saltines".
I HATE, loathe, despise, all Saltines. I honestly think that they are one thing I will never be able to eat again.

Some people said to call the Dr to get prescription meds... The Dr. has given me Zofran and Phenagran. (BOTH are safe to take during pregnancy) However Zofran doesn't work anymore as I cannot keep it down. Phenegran does... but it will leave me passed out and unable to move- let alone drive a car.

So this sounds like a lot of complaining over here- but really... So many people go through this with every single pregnancy. I have heard of some people being sick up until their baby comes! I have also heard that people start to feel better when they are 16-18 weeks.
I am hoping that this ends in the next few weeks. I am not sure how much more JM can take from me right now. He is just happy that I am still working right now, I think. Because he knows if it were up to me I would be in bed or on the couch right now and that I would have most likely quit last week.

In other news... some positive news!
My parents are in Ireland and I am so excited for them to be having a great time!

I am excited to say that we (more like JM and a shovel) have fixed up the front yard! Pictures to come... It looks SO wonderful! and I am sure that our neighbors are much happier with us now!

I am MOST excited to have learned that Osama Bin Laden has been taken down! GO USA! Thank you to all of the men and women who have served, who are serving, and who will serve our Country. I hope that this means that we are closer to the end of a war. I still remember where I was on 9-11. I was in Art class in high school... It was one of the scariest days and one I will never forget. Do you remember where you were?

Now hopefully I will make it through today at work. I have lost the battle with breakfast...
Anyone else have any suggestions for morning sickness? Please keep in mind that I am lactose- intolerant, HATE SALTINES, and anything with ginger makes my tongue swell (Gingerale was not so bad, but I have lost that battle too many times and it is on the black list!).
Damn I am a mess.

One day I will do cute "bump pictures" with the size of fruit that the baby is and weekly updates... Sunday I started the second trimester and am 14 weeks. Baby is the size of a lemon in case you were wondering!

I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Monday!